“TO PRETTY TO BE A VIRGIN … WAIT, WHAT !?”
I’ve been trying to write this post for several years and being that I will be getting married, and my virgin status will be changing, I decided to write this post to inform and enlighten.
I am a virgin, I went to public school, attended an HBCU for undergrad, joined the best sorority ever Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc., went on to get my masters in Clinical Mental Health, and I did this all as a Bible believing, God fearing virgin.
Throughout my life, my virginity has always been questioned. I was called a liar and people would ask and assume the following:
“How are you a Virgin at a HBCU?” ; “Don’t you have a boyfriend?”; “girl your boyfriend is cheating on you, cause you not giving him none”; “it’s just sex, you boogie” and the most vivid, frequent and irritating comment “you are too pretty to be a virgin.”
This comment judged my outward appearances as if it affected my inward sacrifice and obedience. It presented me wanting to wait until marriage to fully capitalize on my value with my husband as tragic because I didn’t “look the part.”
I know I’m not alone or the sole target of these types of comments; they happen often within adolescence and throughout adulthood. So I decided it was time to TALK IT OUT. I would like to TALK OUT the EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, and PHYSICAL components that had me arrive where I am today, a 28-year-old “to pretty to be a virgin”, virgin.
Ps. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and we are all beautiful; for we were created by God, and God said we were Good! So hello to the beautiful person reading this post!
Well, ladies and gents being a human in itself can be emotional, but in the case of being a virgin, it can bring you to emotional crossroads within your relationships. (Anybody been there: raises hand) for instance when you are being threatened in a relationship to have sex, or you are forced to make relationship decisions based on sex. Real quote from an ex-boyfriend: ” You are the type of girl, who makes you want to put something in their drink”. It can bring you to place where peer pressure, family pressure, and life pressure causes you to question the very reason you decided to wait! Real quote ” You need to be given head, or a hand job because you are making him suffer”.
As women we are nurtures, and the idea of hurting someone or causing discomfort to someone we love is heartbreaking. So many times you feel an emotional pull to compromise. Even though compromises are not one-sided. Now I know you guys are like ok; So how is this going to help us, what does this have to do with anything! Well, This portion is for women (& men) who feel emotionally challenged, as a result of not having sex or having sex and wanting to pump the breaks!
STEP ONE: Stop PIMPING OUT your emotions
Now not to get all Biblical on you, but it’s a reason the Lord tells us to guard our heart! Why? Because it is vulnerable! So refrain from giving out your hearts diary and its internal richness to someone who can’t read, and makes bad investments.
There is a saying:
“Don’t give a person husband or wife benefits if there only boyfriend or girlfriend material”, that goes for your emotions too.
STEP TWO: Understand that being equally yoked, or equally whole also is inclusive of emotions.
(Getting Biblical …again)
If you feel you’re in the company of anyone who is emotionally draining or immature emotionally, maybe that’s not the person you want to be emotionally vulnerable with.
STEP THREE: DON’ BE EMOTIONALLY CONTROLLED
Making decisions solely based on your emotions is dangerous! Why? Have you heard of the term hangry? Think about if you made decisions only when you were hungry -angry “Yikes”. You probably wouldn’t do that, but we make decisions based on how we feel all the time. Ever been an unhealthy relationship but: you love him” (Raises Hand), you feel like he needs you, you want to help him or you are really scared of rejection. Don’t allow emotions that occur on different levels, different times, based on different variables including food, sleep, adrenaline and time of day, make decisions that have a lifetime effect.
We are made to have emotions, but shouldn’t allow emotions to solely rule our decisions.
Think about how many times we have done something out of anger and regretted it.
A live Instagram discussion on this post will take place Saturday, September 23rd at 6:00 pm.
I hope to see all of you there so we can talk out questions and comments.